Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel

Dear Katie,
In a fit of boredom at work, I decided to use the IM Santa option at the bottom of my AIM conversation box. The following is what happened when I, a sweet little Jewish girl, instant messaged the great Mr. Santa Clause.

Veruca552: do you like Jews?
SantaClaus: Cool. Hanukka rocks.
Veruca552: I think so too. How old are you?
SantaClaus: Well, it's all how you feel inside. But actually, let's see, I was born December 6, 343 A.D. Maybe you can tell me how old I am, smarty!
Veruca552: You seem like a young 78
SantaClaus: Excuse me?
Veruca552: a young 78.
SantaClaus: Type menu to get your to do list for the holidays.
Veruca552: But i want to keep talking to you, santa
SantaClaus: I've noted it. Anything else?
Veruca552: do you not want to talk to me anymore?
SantaClaus: I could tell you, but that would spoil all of the fun.
Veruca552: It isn't about fun, it is about manners.
SantaClaus: Mm hm, now we are getting somewhere.
Veruca552: I'll say.
SantaClaus: Why did you say that?
Veruca552: It is the appropriate response
SantaClaus: Mm hm.
Veruca552: You are bored of me
SantaClaus: You're full of mischief.
Veruca552: Are you trying to seduce me
SantaClaus: Are you kidding?
Veruca552: Are you?
SantaClaus: You keep doing the same thing. Over and over. I get it already. I see everything, you know , It's possible. that's all I'm gonna say on the subject.
Veruca552: You, devil, you.
SantaClaus: Interesting.
Veruca552: How's Mrs. Clause?
SantaClaus: I could say the same thing to you -- and I will. How indeed?
Veruca552: I am good.
SantaClaus: Smashing!
Veruca552: And the reindeer?
SantaClaus: Hmm. Why don't you type, music, maybe that will put you in the Christmas spirit :-)
Veruca552: Nah. I want to know about the elves.
SantaClaus: My goodness! You certainly are direct! Well, you can always type, 'Tell Santa' and I'll be happy to listen to all of your wishes!
Veruca552: Well, I wish that the war would end.
SantaClaus: Can I ask YOU something?
Veruca552: Sure
SantaClaus: Have you set up a Wish List for others to see?
Veruca552: no
SantaClaus: OK, type WL and follow the instructions -- you can set up your own WL for others to see and see any AIM user's who has left a WL with me!
Veruca552: But I don't want to. I just want to talk to you.
SantaClaus: May I ask you a question?
Veruca552: Yes.
SantaClaus: Have you done any good deeds yet this holiday season?
Veruca552: Yes, I have done many.
SantaClaus: Excellent! That makes me so happy! Just wanted to be sure you were on it! Type menu now to get back to the fun and games.
Veruca552: You don't walk to talk to me. I get it.
SantaClaus: Ah -- you've got me again. Why don't you type menu, it's time to get you in the holiday spirit!
Veruca552: I think that is impossible now.
SantaClaus: Heh, its settled then.
Veruca552: Thanks, Santa.
SantaClaus: Of course, no problem!
Veruca552: Bye.
SantaClaus: Merry Christmas, my dear! TTYL

Love,
Brianna

Money Money Money Money MONEEEYY

Dear Brianna,

I'm fairly certain that the majority of our readers are among the millions who flocked see the biggest comedy of the year, "Borat."
Sasha Baron Cohen, the man behind the facade of Borat, is an amazing artist and a brilliant comedian, so his new super fame in the United States is very warranted. He is also the man who filled much of our nation with shame and doubt in themselves, and I applaud him for that in a most of the cases. But, there is one instance where I cannot bring myself to clap skin against skin. There is one instance where I cannot bring a smile to my face, and I am finished standing for the horrible things he has done to me and my family name! I cannot stand for the slandering of my driving teacher! I will not stand for it for one more second!



What's going to happen to my future now? What if I apply to a job that requires I drive some type of vehicle and the second they see that I graduated from Perry Hall Maryland's driving school they throw my application in the trash? What if I'm driving merrily along and someone all the sudden recognizes me and drives me off the road, causing me to loose my license, trash my car and land me in a wheel chair? How shall I feed myself and my fourteen children then? We shall starve! Starve like animals! Well, they'll starve and then I'll starve after I've eaten all of them, but, that's beside the point. I have been publicly defamed! My name has been run over by a car driven my a foreign man! And he didn't even honk to warn me he was coming!!!

So, I've decided to sue. And I'm not suing with a crack house case like all the others who were "defamed" by something they said in the movie. They signed papers. DUH! If you sign something, your life is legally owned by someone else right then and there. Everyone knows that. But, I was never given a paper to sign! I was never given a choice! Where is that fair?? I was born to fight for equality. Especially equality for myself. So, here I go.

I hear-by sue everyone involved in this movie. I sue you Mr. Sasha Baron Cohen because you were "smart" enough to realize that "reality" is "funnier" than "put on" comedy. And, you have plenty already. I'm suing my driving teacher because he was retarded enough to sign the paper. If you don't want to be in a film don't sign papers that make your appearance legal, no matter what happens with the film. And finally, I'm suing Arnold Schwarzenegger because he totally touched my boob.

In closing, I want money. GIMMIE GIMMIE MONEEEEYYY!

Love,
Katie