Katie and Brianna: Heterosexual Life mates

photo We're not gay but we're meant for each other, baby

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Wicky Wicky, The Wild Wild West Y'all

Dear Brianna,

I am 21 years old now, which means I am legally able to question the universe. I have taxed myself for many hours over what my first, and obviously most important, question will be, and it’s been an uphill battle, but I think I’ve finally chosen which horse to ride...

Where have all the Cowboys gone?

First of all, where did Paula Cole go? And secondly, she has a point. I would like to meet a Cowboy. A REAL Cowboy. I have visited the "wild west" only twice in my life for very short periods of time, so I assume that’s reason one why I have never come across a try blue cow slinging hunk, but for real…where are they?

Is there no market left for Cowboying? Are there no more saloons in which to “ruff up?” Are Horses not used as a main form of transportation anymore? Are there no more people left to save???

Now, I know there are lots of men out there who BELIEVE they are Cowboys, but true chap-wearing men don't travel in cow-ropeing circuses. And, they also don't pose in calenders with their shirts off.

We need REAL Cowboys! Remember when they policed this country? Wasn't it great? Let's go back to a simplier time when women weren't judged for leasing out their kittens, and beers never spilled when slid down a wooden bar. Bar doors swung freely and priests didn't (openly) diddle little boys.

It’s a sad world out there. There is a terrible war that we instigated in a country that is already fighting with itself. Al Gore says the world is losing it's hair. The Euro is TRUMPING the dollar. Britney lost her kids. This world is in so much shit, and we've used all our savior resources. The only people left to call on are the Cowboys.

So here it is, straight shooters. We need you. We need your five o'clock shadows and your cowhide clothing. We long for your shadows on the dusty ground and your rotting teeth. We can no longer live without your gruff voice and sexist ways.

Come back to us Cowboys!



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At 11:54 AM, Blogger Pat Baer said...

"leasing out their kittens" is an excellent euphemism.

At 6:29 AM, Anonymous ari said...

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