Katie and Brianna: Heterosexual Life mates

photo We're not gay but we're meant for each other, baby

Monday, March 13, 2006

Mile High Club

Dear Katie,
As I write this, I am sitting in Laguardia airport waiting to catch a flight that will seemingly never come. When I first arrived, the flight was delayed by an hour. It’s scheduled departure time of 8 was pushed to 9 meaning that I had three hours to waste. After I waited an hour, an announcement informed me that the delay had been extended another hour, canceling out the time I had already waited.
I am hungry, and the airport is hot. If the airport is going to make you wait an extra two hours, the least they could do is provide air conditioning and a complimentary beverage, preferably alcoholic. The genius who designed this airport put all the restaurants and stores outside of the security lines, meaning that even if I was willing to buy something—a bottle of water, a soggy turkey sandwich, or an oversized bag of trail mix (each item priced at over ten dollars)—I would have had to do it before I checked in.
Once in the gate area, you are stuck in a vacuum of warm, recycled air, abrasive voices relaying bad news over tinny loud speakers, and pacing mothers pushing restless babies around in strollers. In the time it has taken me to write the last two sentences four people passing by have almost knocked my computer out of my lap.
I am trying my best to be positive and be in a good mood. Ashford and Simpson are playing on my Itunes right now, I might indulge in a trashy magazine, and a famous comedian (the one from Conan who was in the Asssscat special on Bravo) just walked by me. I see that dude everywhere, at the UCB, McManus, The Onion, something strange is going on. I digress.
So yeah. It is time to venture out of the gate area. If I ever get to Chicago, I will give you a call. If not, I will try to build a fort out of pillows by the Au Bon Pan stand and you can send a search party out for me. I am in terminal B fashioning an “I surrender” flag out of a white I heart New York t-shirt and an umbrella from The Hudson News shop.

PS- I wrote this on Friday, and my flight home was just as bad.


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