Katie and Brianna: Heterosexual Life mates

photo We're not gay but we're meant for each other, baby

Thursday, March 09, 2006

London Calling, Speak the Slang Now

Dear Brianna,

I just want to start this post by letting our readers know that I suffer from a very serious disease. I don't want to bring the vibe down here, you know, but I feel like it's important that people in the world stay informed. Okay, so here goes.

I suffer from social retardation. Or, to put it in more politically correct terms, I'm socially inept.

Now, I know it's hard to admit things, but sometimes just saying it makes you feel better. "I'm socially inept!" "I'm socially inept!" "I can't hold conversations that don't turn painful at one point!" "I can't walk away from situations without feeling like I sound stupid!" "Sometimes I can't even look at people when I talk to them!" "I'm socially inept!" Feel better? Not me.

That's right, you heard me. I don't buy this bullshit. Sure, It's hard for me to exit situations with people without sounding/looking like an asshole. Sure, I look at people oddly when I don't know what to say. Sure, I fill sentences with phrases that are not necessary, and they just come off as sounding completely insane. Sure! But I'm human. I'M ONLY HUMAN! And I need your help.

I'm coming to terms with my disease, slowly. I've realized that it's better to fake a sore throat sometimes rather than talk. It's also helpful to pretend to read something! There is really only one known "cure" for this disease and it's very temporary (alcohol). The only way to live life and go on is to accept your disease and move forward with your life.

If you have an awkward conversation with me, it's not that I don' t like you, it's that I'm may be going through an episode, and I also don't trust you (that's another disease that I'll keep in my back pocket for another rainy day blog entry). Understand me, don't push me away! I'm a good huggerer! Yeah! Hold up the conversation, and somewhere along the line, I'll work it out! Promise! Embrace my diseasssseeee!


Say happy birthday to my mom!
53 years ago today, she made it happen for the first time.
Go Susan, Go!


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