Katie and Brianna: Heterosexual Life mates

photo We're not gay but we're meant for each other, baby

Sunday, May 21, 2006

I know you're the Irish one, but...

Dear Katie,
I am ashamed to report that I am living in a state of addiction. My body screams 24/7 for a certain something that puts me in danger of heart disease, cancer, narcolepsy, obesity, infection, and diabetes. They say the first step of conquering addiction is admitting you have a problem, and I am ready to come clean.


Au gratin, mashed, grilled, steamed, potato chipped, and especially french fried, it doesn't matter. My day isn't complete until I have stuffed my face with enough starchy goodness to give me that coated throat and heavy stomach that I love so much. You can dip potatoes in anything--ketchup, cheese, honey mustard, mayonaise, barbeque sauce--and they will always taste good. You can even spell potato two ways: potatoE or potatO! The fun never ends.

In the words of the moustached Pringles mascot, "once you pop, you can't stop," and it's true, I really can't stop. The tyrrany must end. I want out of the totalitarian potato dictatorship that has taken me prisoner. I read in a magazine that if you stop eating potatoes you will see the difference in just one week, and I want to prove that statement to be true.

So, mark my words, today is day one of my potato-free life. Not one succelent spud will pass through my lips until "I can only eat just one." If you and any of our lovely blog readers see me so much as look at a potato, I give you permission to punch me in the face. For reals. Do it. It is for my own good. Thank you.


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